Archiving some more of my finest work on twitter dot com for all you lucky, lucky people.
Firstly, here is The List.
The Kieth Steamer misspellings list:
Keer Stamer Ikea Sturmur Kier Stammer Kweef Stainer Keef Streamer Kiev Strimmer Klier Smarmer Keith Starman Kieth Star-meh Kefir Sturmurer Keith Strummer Keer Starmarama Keirbab Shawarma Keir Starmer (FFS guys..) Kier and Present Danger Kuck Staremore
Here is the 1000 character short story I wrote, inspired by The List:
Kieth Steamer was troubled by The List of misspellings that his SPAD emailed him. “Fucking hell”, he said out loud, to himself. “That’s a lot”. Realising that he was talking to himself, he resumed his inner monologue, which had the same whiny, nasal voice but a little bit deeper and more resonant because it came from within. “I knew this country was full of illiterates but that really is a lot”. As he perused The List a niggling suspicion began to eat away at him. Were they deliberately misspelling his name to make some sort of point? “No”! He laughed out loud, before nervously twitching as he realised he was doing it again. “That would make fools of them, not me”. He thought to himself as he furtively triangulated the problem. “Wouldn’t it”? Kieth was getting worried now. What did it all mean? He was scared by the strangeness. The printer hummed into action as Kieth paced the room. “Kweef Stainer. That one’s definitely a joke isn’t it”, he said as he reached for a red pen.Written by me on twitter dot com, July 8th 2020.
If you enjoyed this absurdist drivel and would like more of it, let me know. You might also be interested in these very scientific twitter poll results:
…Did You Notice?
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